...who am i?

Easy question... or at least it should be.


I have known me for 35 years.
I have slept with me every night.
I have grown up with me, cared for me when I am sick, bought me things, wiped my tears....so, you'd think I know me pretty well.

But
Well
I am having an identity crisis.
I am changing my name, back to my maiden.
It took me a while to gain the courage to do this. And, after a trip to the Social Security office back in December (where I was TURNED AWAY) - the courage left me.
It again took me a while to get there.
I am ready now.
Really, I am.

This week, I went to my lawyers office...not once, not twice - but three times.
Joy! (sensing sarcasm?)
They needed some forms signed, and my birth certificate, and my drivers license, and (you guessed it) money. And then, after all that - the lovely courthouse says that background checks through the sheriffs office are now required.
(Do I look like a criminal? Really... )
(friends, don't answer... ;-) )
This whole process really is messed up.
So, I am tired.
AND - after the courthouse approves my new (old) name...I get to go back to the Social Security office, DMV, banks, insurance agents, utilities, other financial institutions, and ... my work ... to start the name change process there.
There should be a special clause that if you are changing your name back to your maiden name, you don't have to endure the idiocracy of being presumed guilty until proven innocent!!!
(When I rule the world, I'll change this rule...)

At any rate, when ALL OF THE ABOVE is done - I then get the awkward pleasure of re-introducing myself under my maiden name. I will get puzzled looks from some. And, I am bracing myself for an occasional 'ohhh, congratulations...did you get married?' - but even more likely, I'll get 'ohhh, I'm so sorry.'

So, who am I?
Today, I am still shaken.
I am still going through a process.
Not sure what phase I am in....

But, lets reorder the above question...this is much more important:
Who I am...

I am me.
I believe in God.
I care about people.
I am passionate and driven.
I love fun.
I desire hard work.
I strive to be nice.
I smile a lot, laugh a lot, and hug a lot.
I am so much more...
I have only begun to scratch the surface...of knowing me.

...happy friday

I love springtime...

don't you?
I see this every day when I pick up my mail!

Enjoy this lovely weekend.
:-)

...a little kindness goes a long way

I get burnt out.
Frazzled.
Tired.
~we all do~

But then, I hear kind words.
And, I am lifted.

See Exhibit A from a work email to me:
"we’re a much better team with your good ideas and inputs…"
This is from someone I deeply respect. :-)

Exhibit B...this is the reply I received when I shared Exhibit A with a co-worker, names are removed to protect the innocent:
"They are good words and so true.  You always bring great ideas and keep things focused.  And definitely people like **him** and you make working here good J!!  You do great work and truly make a difference. You rock sista!"
Aww, my heart is full.
Burnout adverted.
(at least for another day or two...)

Unrelated, random funny for you...
With Easter coming...thought I would share an old fav...

...ibuprofen and clean sheets

It's Saturday.
And, the weather is beyond gorgeous!

Today was the Rocket City 10 miler.
Good race...good friends...and, I'll try to put my 'Nancy positive spin' on it. Because, it really was good...until the last 4 or so minutes.
BIG FAT THANKS to the race coordinators for NOT putting folks or signs at the last .25 mile. And, when we took a wrong turn at the end...THANK YOU for saying 'you can stop, but it won't show as you finished unless you go back out and around the block'.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just ran ~10 miles and you are going to A) not mark your course and B) going to be rude about it.
What did I say?: "You know what pisses me off? Lack of organization!"
I need to get control of this mouth....

...ok, I didn't manage to put that positive spin on it, sorry.
disheartening...
really, who wants to run 10 miles - cross the line - and get reprimanded?

So, afterward - this girl goes to Kroger.
Supplies needed.
Pantry empty of wine.
And, well - I wanted to make my Shrimp and Scallop Lasagna for dinner.
...mmm...

Between running and dinner time, much ibuprofen was needed. Relief.
And, I washed/dried sheets and comforters.
I left the windows open for the fresh air.
I napped on the couch.
I watched an insane amount of Grey's Anatomy (*hooked*).

Then, a friend came over and together we rolled out some dough.
FRESH PASTA!
Lasagna!
Eureka - I found my pasta niche. :-)
...I am sufficiently full...

Now, those clean sheets are calling!
There is NOTHING better than a clean fresh bed...and earning the rest through physical activity...and, being nice and full of some good cooking (if I do say so myself). GOOD NIGHT!

..a pot of gold

It's St. Patrick's Day...

Check out my sweet little pot of gold...
:-)
Thanks AJ and Anna!
(I have a health screening this morning and am fasting right now before the blood draw...and this chocolate, I swear, it's staring at me...)

In other news, I am looking for a house.
Trying to figure out what to do.
6 more months of apartment life? Or, take the big step of home ownership (alone).
I am torn.
I would rather buy, but I don't want to rush.
And, if I buy now - I will have to cut grass all summer (I'm no diva, I like work, but I dread cutting grass!).
If I don't buy now, I have a summer to spend at the apartment pool...
Hmmmm.....
I only have a short while to consider it all - my lease is up in 2 months.
Maybe I'll think about it over some chocolate, when I can eat again....

...spring has sprung

The daffodils are blooming.
And the Bradford Pear trees.
And - just about everything else.


I am seriously suprised my sinuses aren't acting up yet.
(*Dear God, Please....no sinus/allergy trouble this year...)

Visited again at Asbury today.
The sermon: Personal Ministry.
...acting on what God has called us to do...
...even when it's not easy...
...even when, in fact, it is very hard...
...stepping out - to follow - to witness - to be the one He created you to be...
Wow - who amongst us is strong enough?

I like to think of myself as having grown in my Christian faith this past year.
I like to feel like I am good, and whole, and strong.
But, when I think of the disciples - giving all - walking away to follow ...I am but nothing.

Truth is, faith is a tricky thing.
Easy to say - hard to back up.
I have faith - yet I struggle.
(...don't judge...tell the truth...you do too...)
Maybe the secret is always admitting you have work to do.
NO ONE amongst us is perfect.
We all walk a line.
Maybe it's all about the desire to move forward, to be more, to admit imperfection and strive. For better. For the potential of pleasing God.

Spring is here.
With it brings new life.
I need new life.
It's within me, I feel it.
I struggle - I admit.

But this gives me hope.
It is out of my control.
It's not in my hands....I now know this.

(beautiful song, I hope you listen...absorb...)

Last week closed a chapter for me.
A big one.
I need to refocus.
Strengthen.
Pray for me friends.
And, pray for our friends in Japan.

...busy bee

Swimming in life.
I won't say it's work this time.
It's just everything...



The house sold on Friday.
A flurry of activity surrounded, of course.
I am tired.

'You know what really pisses me off....people!'
Yes, I uttered this several times this week.
I more than uttered it, I was loud and obnoxious.
It temporarily made me feel better.
Patience...a very important virtue.
I am running low this week.

Saturday morning...
...I need a new attitude...
...I went for a run...
...I felt better...

~Can't wait for church tomorrow~

...a whole bunch of nothing

That's what I got.
Nothing.
Nothing important anyway.
I am full of randomness.
:-)

Like - today is Tuesday.
We had a party at work to celebrate our 10 yr anniversary of continuous (24x7) operations.
A friend at work and I served the cake (s).

(I LOVE volunteering for this kind of stuff. Is that weird? It brings me joy...)
When I got back to my desk...there were freebies. I love freebies!

I bought some new shoes. Which was not in the budget. But they were hot and I thought they would offset my bad hair color (trying to draw the eye down....). Maybe I should just wear a low cut shirt and not worry about my hair. HAHAHAHA, I crack me up.

My friend AJ's daughter drew me some pretty pictures.
With mermaids.
And seahorses.
And octopusses, octopus's, octopie, ...what's the plural for octopus anyway? ;-)
(oops, those aren't octopus's - they are jellyfish. saying octopie is more fun though!)

I sent her a thank you card. :-)

...what else...
I went to the gym yesterday, by myself.
I miss my gym friend.
I hope she goes today.

And, lastly for my mixed bag of randomness....I am still reading 'Crazy Love'. I am about 1/2 through. ...I saw this at church on Sunday, it caught my eye:

(Do you see: 'Father, Son, Holy Spirit' and 'God So Loved He Gave Crazy Love' - .....wow, I love it!)

Happy Tuesday night!

...'march'ing to a new beat

The Happiness Project:

March = Aim High!

I read the March chapter today.

It was good.

I couldn't put it down.

Items cover:

• Launch a Blog (...check!)
• Enjoy the Fun of Failure (...I fail miserably at enjoying failure...and, no - it's not fun at all!)
• Ask for Help (...I need help learning how to ask for help.)
• Work Smart (...I *think* I do okay here, but I could do so much more!)
• Enjoy Now (...I try, sincerely.)

Check this out...

http://www.happiness-project.com/happiness_project/2011/03/8-tips-for-feeling-happier-during-an-unhappy-time.html

Maybe I'm not that far off in choosing the right things for my life right now.



Next month: April = Lighten Up (Parenthood).

It's a good thing these chapters are spread out for 1 a month....

...ramblings of an accidental brunette

Let me start with saying...I am a blond.
Really, I am.
Yea - it gets dark sometimes.
Yea - some grey is creeping in.
But - I am blond.

Until...
today...

I'm not complaining.
Since 'they' say that 'blonds have more fun' and apparently I have totally missed the boat on that one, I'll give this brunette gig a go.

Mom went with me today to my hair appointment.
She has never done this before.
It was nice to have her there.
We all talked and laughed - and I sat there looking goofy with foil in my hair.
I had my eyebrows waxed, which always leaves my eyes pink, pink, pink and swollen. I look like I've been beaten. Really, I am a horrific site.
So I sit there for the better part of two hours.
And then, that moment...the moment where they swing the chair around and you see yourself in the mirror with your new 'do.


Well, I was a little shocked.
'Wow, it's BROWN...' - it was the nicest thing I could say...
(Mom said she was so thankful that I didn't ask her how it looked before I saw it. She is very honest and does not sugarcoat the truth.)
The truth is - it's NOT what I wanted.

But, the truth also is - I REALLY don't care.
~it's just hair, and there are more important things in life~
So, I'll rock the ugly brown for a while and then go change it again.

you be the judge...
(wow, those are bags under my eyes...more lost sleep is not helping eh?)

In other news...I got crafty the other night!
Amy J from 'One Day at a Time' invite some girls over...
If you check out her blog, you will see blond Nancy.
(IGNORE the goofy faces I was making. And the wrinkled forehead...I am indeed starting to age.)

But - do not ignore my craftiness!

What do you think?

Not too shabby eh?

Maybe, if I make/sell enough of these I can afford to have my hair fixed soon.

...taking orders now...

...please, buy!...

...it's for a good cause...

:-)

If I stand outside the stores and bug people like those girl with the cookies, maybe I can also get a massage and a micro-derm-abrasion face peel treatment thingy (I don't even know how to spell it but you know what I am talking about). Oh, and my teeth whitened. And - well throw in some lypo and a new set of female assests.

After reading my own post tonight - I am in serious need of a brain transplant too!

(officially marking 'make something crafty' off the to-do list...)

...half birthday

So, today is my 1/2 birthday...
That means I am exactly 35.5.
6 months ago....was a hard hard day.

It started the night before my birthday....the crying.
Friends...I am not a crier.
Tears flowed and would not stop.
I woke up on my day...crying.
Someone special called me and I perked up thinking 'here we go, birthday wishes!'
She forgot though...
And didn't say it.
Another friend called.
He had just tragically lost his daughter a few weeks earlier.
He said it.
I was so grateful, but was also so touched that despite everything he was going through...he remembered.
More tears...

I wanted to stay home, but had a meeting with my manager.
GREAT
I cried all the way to work. I decided when I parked the car: clear it up...be professional...it's time for work.
At my desk, birthday cards were scattered.
A teammate walked in to wish me well...big fat tears filled my eyes. He hugged me and I lost it.
My manager walked in...time for the meeting.
Damn.
I followed him down the hall...wiping my red eyes and sniffing my messy nose.
He opened the door...
...inside was my teammates: hiding, yelling surprise with a full breakfast surprise waiting for me.
Shocked...I stepped back into the hall...overwhelmed. Tears, I was a mess!
'Nancy: you can either walk back in and look weak OR you can stand out here and be rude.'
Easy...I would rather be weak.
I walked back in and said thanks...it was all I could say.
We ate...and people hugged me...and they made me feel special...and, I cried happy tears. Gone were those 'feeling sorry for myself tears'.

A lot of emails, texts, and hugs later and the day was over.
(yes, I cried off and on all day - I was really pitiful)

After work, all my dear friends gathered.
We went out together, sat on a patio, enjoyed live music and each others company.
My head throbbed...I was exhausted...felt beat up from the days highs and lows.

I can't tell you much about most of my birthdays. Usually the day comes and goes with no major events.
My 35th...I will remember forever as the absolute worst AND most incredibly wonderful birthday of my life!
Thank you friends.

Tomorrow, I am closer to 36 than 35.
Damn, I'm getting old!

Sent from my iPhone