...not tonight honey

I had grand plans of blogging today.
But, well, I didn't.
And now it's getting late.
And I promised myself I would go to bed early.

So, hmmm - a couple tidbits from this past week:

Started swimming lately.
For a triathlon.
And I can't swim well, and I don't own a bike.
I don't put my face down in the water.
I'm scared.
I don't even like dipping my head under to move from one lane to the next in the pool.
How stupid is that?

I ran a 10k today.
It felt great.
It was very hot today and we ran very early in the morning.
There was a very steep hill, and I ran up it.
My heartbeat was wayyy up and I was overheated a little.
And, I loved it.
How stupid is that?

I watched 2 movies today.
The Kings Speech and Country Strong.
I like them both.
But, I didn't put up the clean laundry.
And, I ate leftovers instead of cooking.
And, even though I've been horizontal on the couch for a big part of the day - I am still tired.
How stupid is that?

Tomorrow is the end of the month.
June is coming.
I need to read my May month of The Happiness Project.
Maybe it'll make me feel better.
Maybe I should be in bed doing that right now.
But, I sit here typing...
How stupid...oh, never mind!

Song I'm digging right now...
it's fun...
and upbeat...
and makes me sway and smile...
and try to sing, which is not in my skill set!
Hope you like it. :-)

...beach therapy

So, I'm not feeling very bloggy.
I went to the beach.
And the sun zapped all the juice out of me...
Actually, I was doing pretty darn good until work today - THEN the juice was zapped.

The girls and I have gone to the beach for the past 5 years.
Nice tradition.
We always end up with funny stories.
Silliness.
And this year, well - yeah, it happened again.

5 girls (we picked up a couple when we got there...)
2 cars.
4 days.
3 nights.
I packed 1 beach bag - decided if my stuff didn't fit, I didn't really need it anyway.

BELIEVE IT OR NOT - I came home with clean clothes...
AND, I packed 2 beach towels, a radio, an empty collapsible cooler, some magazines, 3 swimsuits, sunscreen, clothing to go out 3 nights, 4 pair of shoes, something to wear home, toiletries, etc - and I had enough clothes to stay 3 more days!!!! (did I mention, I have a really large beach bag? - well, it is...but still, I packed VERY neatly, and tightly, and I have to say - I did good!).

So, the beach.
...the sand
...the sun
...the laughs
I'm in love.
Dear Beach, will you marry me? You sing to me when I am there. You make me hot...and keep me cool when I dig in. You mesmerize me. You surround me. Sometimes, you crawl into my private places and make me all gritty. I don't really appreciate that. And, sometimes, your waves beat me up and knock me down. I don't like that either.   ...never mind Beach, I'll just visit you when I want. I'll use you. No offense. :-) Nancy

All joking aside, I had fun.
I needed fun.

Thanks girls - y'all are the best.
I want to share beach time with you for many many more years.

Some pics...

The gang - Happy Birthday Sweet Lisa, so glad we got to share it with you:

 Sunset at dinner Sat. night:

Beach time:



 So...we return home on Sunday. Check out the storm I was driving in to. Scary. No damage...thankfully. Our neighbors to the north, Missouri, not so lucky. Prayers for you!



Lastly, look what I came back to work to... :-)

They missed me...

They missed me enough to pull a prank...

Now that is love! :-)



Check beach time off the 'to do' list.

Last tidbit of the night, I went swimming today.

Like, not recreational 'playing in the pool' swimming....I went FOR REAL swimming.

I swam 600 yards, in 50 yard increments.

My back is tight...used muscles that I don't usually use.

Hope I can move tomorrow!

G'night...N

...don't worry; be happy

Stress stress go away - do not come back another day!

I'm pulling me up by the boot straps.
Keeping that smile.

Things to inspire:

• "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the things you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. . . . Explore. Dream." Mark Twain
• "One's mind, once stretched by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions." Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
• “It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.” Charles Darwin
• “Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome while trying to succeed.” Booker T. Washington
• “The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life."
  Muhammad Ali
• “If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude.”
  Maya Angelou
• "Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that, because what the
  world needs is people who have come alive."
  Howard Thurman
• "Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler."
  Albert Einstein

Do I have anything to complain about? Absolutely not! 

(in no particular order)

I have a home to live in...

I have a car to drive:

My family is safe:

My friends are safe:

Reality check Nancy - you are blessed. Get over your petty worries and stressors.

A really stupid song, with a really important message:



...vents and fits

You ever just yell?
Or throw something?
Or, just pitch a big ol' fit...?

I don't.
Maybe I should.
But, I am not convinced it would make me feel any better.
I think I would probably just laugh at myself, which - in turn, might make me feel a little bit better.
Who knows...

Instead, I internalize.
I think.
I hide emotion.
And, I keep myself busy in other ways.
So busy - that I end up crashing.
That happened this weekend.
Sunday afternoon - I was DONE...exhausted, I gave in to a nap. I turned the lights off, cranked the AC down to a frigid temp, grabbed a blanket, and got cozy. SO NICE...

But, I'm trying to figure something out.
I have once again moved from the bed to the couch.
Like, if I lay in the bed - I'll think too much and not sleep.
I could fix this, just put a TV in the bedroom. TV bores me, but it's just enough noise and visual stimulation that I don't think. Then, I'm not thinking - and I'm bored...which equals sleep! But I vowed to not put a TV in the bedroom again. Ugh.

Beach countdown is at 2 days.
I will savor it this time.
I require it.
And folks, watch out, I plan to be a big ol' bum for 4 days.
Time to recharge the batteries.
This little energizer bunny is dead....



...at least you can't say I have completely lost my sense of humor!

...watermelon? cantaloupe!

I love inside jokes. I love having stories with my friends.
Often times, they are the most stupid things...

But, it's those 'you had to be there' moments that are so precious.

Stories stick with you from year to year...

And laughter lives on.

Tonight was a wedding.

A Catholic Wedding.

I am not Catholic.

My friends that went with me, they aren't Catholic either.

(if you are Catholic and I offend you, I'm sorry...)

On the way to the wedding, we discussed the procedures.

We reviewed what we knew.

And, well, Catholic weddings are very ceremonial.

Lots of words.

Lots of tradition.
Lots of things that, a non-Catholic does not know or understand.
No disrespect intended...it's just ignorance.
...and then, there's the kneeling bench...
(Catholic wedding #1 in Minneapolis has many inside jokes...)
:-)

So, on the way to the wedding...
No one knew what the sayings were.
'What do we say and when?'
...then, she said it...
'When I don't know what to say, I just mouth 'watermelon' so my lips are moving and people think I am saying the right thing...'
THIS STRUCK ME AS HILARIOUS.
Brilliant!
Why didn't I think of this?
From now on, whatever the situation...I am going to use this!


From there, we digressed.
We mouthed 'watermelon' to each other...and then, the answer to watermelon turned in to cantaloupe.
We are goofy.
And, I love us for it.

Yes, during the ceremony...I had to turn to her and mouth 'watermelon'.
Big smiles.

All joking aside, I witnessed two dear friends get married.
It was a beautiful wedding.
I was so proud of them both.
Best wishes for a future of fulfillment.
:-)

...countdown

Beach clock = 7 days...



This makes me happy. :-)

Between now and then, here's the to-do list:

• Attend a wedding
• Get my blonde 'do back!
• Family reunion
• Volunteer at the Rocket City Brew Fest
• Church
• Teach Dave Ramsey
• ...rest...?!?
• Oh, and work 4 more days...

Beach time is so very necessary...I will make sure to bask in the sun, run my toes extra deep in the sand, and relaxxxxxx!

...breathing room

prepare yourself
this might be the most stupid blog in the history of blogging...
and i'm going to whine
and vent
and well, say things i probably shouldn't
but in the spirit of 'this blog is here for me...to help me' - i'm gonna do it.

the walls are closing in.
i feel pressure.
and i feel like a puppet.
like i get up every day and do what i am programmed to do.

work sucks right now.
and i don't really know why.
i am writing annual reviews for everyone.
and i feel like i can't say what i think on the bad things (a PC version would be 'areas for improvement').
and when i say what i think (for those who are awesome), i feel like my words just don't do them justice.
and, i am NOT complaining about having been off work due to the tornadoes. but now, it feels like everyone needs something from me. and i don't know. i don't have answers. and i am trying to do my work and help them with theirs.

then, i feel guilty.
for being pissed at work.
because our community lost lives and homes.
and, our state lost many many lives and homes.
and, i am mad about it.
i am not mad at God.
seriously.
who wants to challenge the big man?
i'm just wishing it didn't happen.
but things happen for a reason.
i don't understand, but that's okay - it's part of the plan.

then there is social life.
a man with a sleeveless harley davidson shirt hit on me this weekend.
i am pretty sure his armpits and chest were shaved.
and yes, i could see b/c he was posing with this sleeveless shirt, slightly unbuttoned.
trying to flex his muscles by putting his arms over his head and leaning against something.
i tried to make conversation.
i asked him what he does for a living.
he said 'as little as possible'
he then told me that 'you smell good'
are you kidding me?
is this the best that's out there...?
ugh.
i'd rather be celibate for the rest of my life...

i wish i could wake up tomorrow and be where i am meant to be.
be who i am meant to be.
be...more.
but then, i wouldn't learn anything.
and well, i like to learn.
so wishing tomorrow was all figured out wouldn't satisfy me either.

ok...i'm not gonna wrap up with a sugar coat.
this is my gut right now.
and guts are ugly.

(friends who read the blog...don't worry. i am ok...no reason for concern. i'm just venting here b/c i don't do it in person.)

PS - beach countdown = 10 days. time to recharge the batteries. :-)

PSS - i proof read my blog and found errors. and it's driving me nuts. ughh.

...special occasions

I once read a story about a poor lady bought a beautiful dress. She saved it, for years. She would never wear it. Opportunities would come and go. She would make an excuse not to wear the dress. She would wear something she had worn before. She said, I am saving it - for a special occasion. Because I am forgetful - I don't remember the details. But, when the lady passed away. The family found the dress - nicely kept, never worn. And, her family buried her in that dress. It was the first time she wore it.

Imagine having something, something special - and holding it back. Because, well, you are waiting for the right time, or right place, or ... fearful if you use it, something will happen to it.

Not that I was staring death in the face last week, the devastation and disasters nearby cause you to think. If you aren't thinking - you are numb.

~~~
So, I bought a bottle of wine last March.
As in March 2010.
A friend and I went to the Biltmore in Asheville, NC.
It was a special trip.
I saved the bottle...
...for a special occasion.
In my mind, I would share it with a friend - on a big day.
We would celebrate a success.
Or I would share it with a guy...just sayin.

But,
Guess who had her own celebration?
...in the dark, alone...
:-)

You see, I decided...surviving a tornado and my family and friends - all safe; no damage - that is something to celebrate.

So I drank to:

Safety

Shelter

Love

Fear

Eye opening events

Awesome power of weather

Those lost...

Those found...

Beauty after disaster

Friends

Community

Hopelessless/being hopeful

Emotions

...feeling alive...

I hope you celebrated too.

If you didn't - refocus. Learn. Grow. We are here for a reason, find yours. And, if you happen to know my 'reason'...don't tell me, I want to find it for myself.

On a friends blog...so fitting for how I feel...

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others" - from Marianne Williamson's book, A Return To Love

...God - Grant me wisdom. Help me help others. Allow me to have a positive impact to all I come in contact with. Guide me to do your will. Strengthen me, I am weak. As I hold you up, continue to mold me. Protect me. Allow me to follow without question. Because your plan is awesome. And, I cannot wait to see what you have in store for me. Amen.

~Nancy~

...the birds still chirp

Hey folks, the Southeast US was hit with terrible tornadoes last Wednesday. We have been without power, but that is minor in comparison to the lives lost, homes destroyed, and complete devastation in some areas.

...here's my account of last Wednesday, I wrote it on Thursday morning - before I had watched any news or had an sort of understanding just how bad it was...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yesterday morning…
we didn’t know.

Tornadoes ripped through our beautiful state all day yesterday.
Lives were lost.
People were injured.
Homes and businesses destroyed and damaged.

Storms had come and gone all day. Storms had kept us held up in a conference room on the first floor in our building. And, there was more to come. ‘Go home’ was the advice given by our management. I Ieft work a little early for house/dog sitting duty. Thankful to have a brick one-level home to stay in for the night.

Mental account:

Arrive and turn on the TV.
A tornado is just to the north.
The neighborhoods I know and love and used to live in…and where friends still…all in danger.
Power goes off.

Out to the porch I go.
The clouds are ominous.
Wind whirling a bit.
No rain.
…I sit and think…
Be brave Nancy, you are okay and so are others.
Pray.
In the distance I hear sirens. Not the weather kind though, the weather sirens today have become so familiar…these sirens, are the emergency vehicle kind.
I hear birds chirping.
Even when the tree tops rustle, the birds chirp.
Phone call from mom, my thought ‘she must be checking on me’…
But instead…
‘There was an F5 in Tuscaloosa…many are dead’
‘It is headed in to Birmingham now…’
‘Your sister and the kids are taking cover in the basement under the stairwell’
‘Your dad and I have pulled a mattress in to the hallway to lay under’
‘If you try to call me, you might not get me for the next little bit’
‘I love you…’

No more bravery.
I lost it.
Momentary meltdown.
Tears…more prayer…overwhelming helplessness…
Yet, those damn birds still chirp.

I check FB on my phone, both good and evil.
…people posting they are okay.
… people posting that others are not okay.
…try to hit up news/weather sites, but coverage is limited.
Phone, mom, ‘all clear for now, your sis too’…
Relief.
But, still…what is going on here???
I finally get smart, pull my car in to the garage – turn the radio up and leave the windows down.
Tornadoes still cropping up…just to the north.
My poor friends and their communities.
FB friend from there posts: Wow, damage and death less than one mile from his home. This is bad…
Fear again.
Helplessness again.
Radio loud enough to avoid those birds…

Several hours later, I have heard from most of my friends.
All safe.
But…
Another mom calls me. ‘I can’t get in touch with my daughter, have you talked to her?’
Yes, I had, but that was before the last storm pushed through her area.
‘I will try again’ I promise ‘and I will call you right back’…
First try, call will not go through.
Lump in my throat.
Second try, I hear her voice.
…she never sounded so good…
I return the call to her mom, who is so very thankful!
Helplessness lessened….

Tired, I crack a window and crawl in to bed.
Morning comes.
And the birds still chirp.

~~~
Just the smallest view of the destruction:

I'll write more later. It's been a long week.
I think we can return to work tomorrow if the power is restored.
But, who will be able to focus?
...praying for all, Nancy