...a gratitude journal

I heard an idea on the radio.
Create a journal of things you are grateful for.
Nice thought.
Makes one focus on the positive!
...here we go, quick thoughts

1. Family that loves me (and they do not pry in my personal life)!
2. Friends that love me (and they check on me regularly)!
3. Hugs.
4. Great health.
5. Good job.
6. Friends from work...awesome people.
7. Strong soul.
8. Strong mind.
9. Strong body.
10. Passion...to take on new challenges. 
11. Need to set goals and see them through.
12. Lack of fear.
13. Ability to care for others, sincerely.
14. Laughter.
15. Tears.
16. Continuing to learn.
17. Sun, rain, cold and warmth.
18. Ability to provide for myself.
19. HOPE! :-)
20. and...how easy it was to write 20 things... (so much more on my mind!)

...bed time for this old girl.
Still reading 'What Happened to My Life'.
Finished the January chapter of 'The Happiness Project'. January = more sleep, more exercise, better diet, and organization. Ummmmm, I will tackle that first one tonight! :-)
g'night....

...sometimes, i fake it

Ya know, it's not easy.
Happiness.
It's tricky.
And, really - at the end of the day, it's just a mindset.
No one creates it or destroys it...it's all in your head.
In how you think or react.

This weekend was hard.
I tried to sugar coat it with the post from early this morning.
Well, yesterday with my mom - it was good.
But it also was bookended by some very hard things.

I struggle with what to share here in blogville.
So, I'll be vague.

...I helped someone dear Friday night with something VERY difficult.
I shared with her things I have never shared before, for her benefit. It was all things she needed to hear, just to know she was normal. It stirred emotions in me. It was hard. But, I am so thankful she thought of me, called me, relied on me, and in the end - I made her feel better. Go back to that post days ago - I helped someone with my language. Such a timely blessing for me.

...Then, an uncomfortable/unplanned visit with someone. Somewhere I did not feel welcomed, but needed to be. I hate situations like that. The truth is, time and circumstances change how people feel about each other. ugh...

As you see, sometime I fake it (happiness). But what good would dwelling on the bad stuff do for me? Absolutely nothing. I brush it off, because really - I am the one in control!

A thought for today...

“To get up each morning with the resolve to be happy... is to set our own conditions to the events of each day. To do this is to condition circumstances instead of being conditioned by them.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

...soaking it in

Yesterday was gorgeous. The weather was perfection. And I couldn't think of a better way to spend it than with my mom.
Mom has been sick for a while.
Blood pressure, chest pain, tingling in the feet, hands, and face...scary stuff.
We *think* it is relating to a thyroid problem.
Needless to say, on top of feeling crappy for weeks and weeks now - she is just down and out.
So, I wanted to visit and try to cheer her up.
I took my running clothes...and coaxed her in to taking a walk with me (even though she doesn't participate in the world of technology - it interests her and I knew that bean in my shoe would be too intriguing for her to pass up a walk.)
We walked down the street that I grew up on.
Past the house where I lived from birth to age 13.
Where I rode my bicycle.
Past the cemetery where my grandfather is buried.
Past the church were my sister was married.
We walked, and talked, and soaked in the warmth of the sun and each other's company.

We then went to lunch together.
A rare treat for both of us.
Our sandwiches were super messy - leaving us with greasy fingers and faces...and we laughed at each other.
It was nice.
Spending time together.

We then cleaned my car together.
Not super exciting.
But, the key *together*.
(No, I didn't squirt her with the hose - I learned that lesson YEARS ago!) :-)

So - today - I soaked it in: warmth, sun, love, happiness, laughter, togetherness...the joy of life.

(View of my parents house and barn...compliments of Google satellite!)

PS - I have an amendment to my 'to do' list. I forgot a goal I am working on right now. I want to be able to do a pull up! I have never had the strength before. I am almost there...I can do it at the gym on the machine that sets a counter weight assistance (I can do it with 20lbs helping me...) :-)

...a bean in my shoe

Check this out....this sweet little bean fits snuggly in a special little pouch in the sole of my running shoes....

It is a pedometer. Together with your iphone or itouch or ipod, it tracks your running. Distance, time, averages, etc... SEE (I AM SLOW!!!!)

But, technology is awesome! You can upload your runs to the nikerunning.com website. And, you can set different goals or training plans. I am training for another 1/2 marathon. You can also join running groups - and virtually train together with other people from around the world. Or - you can join challenges and compete against others. It's really pretty dang cool!

Goal: next 1/2M = 02:25:00

(last 1/2M = 02:35:50)

Shaving off 10 minutes...wish me luck!

Go buy one...they are cheap!
http://www.amazon.com/Apple-MA368LL-Nike-iPod-Sensor/dp/B002JHOYB8/ref=sr_1_7?ie=UTF8&qid=1296222296&sr=8-7

...to do

I work well off a list.

It gives me focus.

So, here are some things I want to do this year.

All obtainable.

Some are clearly measureable ... some not...

Wish me luck!

Learn to make pasta

Craft something (and it not be crappy)

Run another ½ marathon

Ski – water or snow

Finish reading the Bible

Forgive myself

Sleep more

Run my toes in the sand

Go car camping

Take my parents somewhere new

...lifted up

I have GREAT friends.
When I shared the last blog entry with a friend, here was his response:

Let me share with you this thought...it is God's grace that makes you what you are. Your compassion, your willingness to serve, your friendship, your selflessness are a testimony to the way God's grace has been and is working in your life. Be encouraged friend...God is doing great things through you.

How special are those words?
The encouragement of people you respect and look up to, are often times the key to lift you up.

This is making me consider, who can I lift up? Whose day can I brighten...just by my words?
We each have such power, just by our language.

I am ready for a day like this....doesn't that look amazing?



hugs and love... Nancy

...tough times

Yesterday and today were very hard.
The loved one of a dear friend passed.

Short story:
I think one of my blessings is the capability to feel for others, sincere empathy. And, when I feel - I act. When something terrible happens, death for instance, and others say 'I don't need anything, thanks for asking.' I hear, '...just care about me and what has happened' and then I go to work. My usual course of action is to go in to business mode. I rack my brain to think of things I can do (errands I can run, phone calls to make, things to clean, what to cook for dinner...etc.), anything I can do to take a burden off the person in pain. Its my blessing. And, I do it willingly and gladly.

Well, this week - the death - the dear friend - it was my ex's grandmother. He loved her dearly, and her love for him was 100x greater. She was 94. I loved her too. And, she loved me. But, I have not seen his family since the divorce.

~My ex - not sure I have come to terms with saying that yet. Ex has such a negative connotation. My ex, I care about. He is my friend.~

Needless to say, it drove me nuts not 'being there', not 'helping', not 'doing my thing'... I wanted to reach out. I could not. It was awkward. Painful. Hard. Empty.  ...did I mention, awkward? I went to the visitation, where I was greeted with open arms. Hugged. Loved. Told I was missed. What a beautiful family. Pure class. I went to the funeral. I was asked to join the family on the front pew. I respectfully declined. That was not my seat...not anymore. I felt rude. Mean. Unworthy. It was all within me, no one made me feel it. It was just me.

Tough times.
Tough tough times.
I hate crying. It drains me. It's worse than any hard days' labor.
Tonight, I feel beat up - head to toe - nothing left.

So, tomorrow is a new day.
I will be stronger. I know that. But today, is a day I will always remember. The day I had to step back and watch the pain of people I care about from a distance.

...work is life

Work is tiresome.
I guess that's why they call it work.
Meetings, stacked one after the other.
New people joining the team (gotta train them).
Deadlines, dates, tracking milestones, reporting, updating...it all runs together sometimes.
...and then, I get to do it all over again the next week.

Strangely enough: I love my job.
Is it the work?
negative
It is the people!
I work with an incredibly brilliant, caring, helpful, compassionate, back you up, never let you down, get it done, happy, friendly, working together, never complaining (well, a little - but those are vent sessions), and all around hardworking bunch of folks.
The dynamic at work is priceless.
I am told daily that I am appreciated.
I am offered help daily to take some burden off me.
My coffee is hot and ready when I get there.
I get hugs at work.
I get texts from teammates asking if I am okay when I've had a bad day.
I am blessed.
(I am going to remember to read this post when I have a crappy work day...)

So for me, work = family.
It might sound strange to you.
..I might cry right now...

So, for me to start feeling burn out is scary!
I can count 1000x pros to my job.
Only a few cons.
But, somedays those cons are so huge they are hard to see past.

My mantra, tonight, as I am about to crack open a spreadsheet and update it at 10pm:
I love my job, I love my job, I love my job, and my job loves me!

sigh...
I hate you excel.
And, I need a hobby - pronto!

...mission: happiness

Ok folks, I am blogging about a blog.
Is that sad?

Today when I got home, a little peice of sunshine was sitting on my doorstep!


So, there is a blog - that is like a bookclub - that I am hoping to keep up with this year:
http://eillg.blogspot.com/2011/01/announcing-book-club-book.html

Wish me luck, I am about to crack it open and get happy! (Well, probably sleepy...but that could be because I worked a bunch of hours today...on a holiday...and I am tired...and I haven't been sleeping well...but I'm not complaining - cause I am about to get my happy on.)

I started this one a few nights ago:

Umm, chapter 1 struck such a chord that I stayed up all night. And, I have slept on the couch ever since. It's like I am avoiding my bed, because I know I'll read this book, and stay up all night again. I don't think I am learning anything by watching Jersey Shore (oh gosh - I just admitted that) or Intervention.

So tonight - I'll get happy.
Tomorrow night - I might try to figure out what happened to my life.

Whew...this starting over business is work!
love and hugs...

...buns of steel

Day trip!
Heidi and I went to B'ham today...we wanted to get the heck out of town, and she had never been to see the Vulcan Statue. Check out the view...

Nice tushie huh? Hahaha....
Imagine living in Homewood, and waking up to this every day!!!! :-)
(more than you would ever want to know: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vulcan_statue)

...back in the saddle

I took a long (almost a year break) from blogland.
Do I really have some important reason to come back?
Heck no!
I just miss it.
I read other folks blogs - and really enjoy it.
And, I know that writing things out - although no one may not read it - is therapeutic.
I could probably use some therapy.
No, I'm not nutso.
If you couldn't use some therapy - I'm calling BS on you.

So what is my plan for this blog?
NOTHING.
I am okay with that...in every other part of my life I always have a plan. I need to give up that method of thought. You simply can't plan for how things will turn out.

So, here goes a new project for a new Nancy...a new blog. I hope you enjoy. I hope you read. But, if you don't - it's okay. It's really not about you, this is for me. Sorry friends, this time - it is about me!
:-)
love, hugs, and all that jazz...nancy

PS - if you happen by here, leave me some love!